I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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