I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
