She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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