Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
