im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
