I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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