farters have to be the big spoon...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
