Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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