just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
