he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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