this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
