my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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