Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
