I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize