dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
