god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize