I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
