i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
