69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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