Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
