Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
