3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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