Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
