You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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