I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
