i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
