Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
