I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
