He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He better not be in your backpack
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
