You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
