don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
