Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
