I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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