I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
