Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
