I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
