no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize