his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize