some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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