I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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