The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
