You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
