So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
