Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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