Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
