I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
my liver is dry heaving
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
