she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
