do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
