she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize