After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
