so explain again why im purple
no
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
