It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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