i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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