i jhust puked up my retainher.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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