It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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