i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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