soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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