im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every concussion has its silver lining
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
