Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
