Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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