Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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