You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
