Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
