y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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