he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
