I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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