my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize