I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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